Mother's Day to Me

Ok...my posts and really blog is usually all about the kids and what we are doing at the moment but tonight just for a moment I would like to reflect so please bare with me. It's 11:55, 5 minutes until Mother's Day. My whole life I have wanted to be a mother and truly enjoy Mother's Day as it comes around but it also is a very hard day. It is the day when I reflect and truly miss more than any other my own mother. I wonder what she thinks of how I have grown up, my choices in life and of course my kids. Someone along time ago told me that she would come to me again while I was on earth and to this day I think about it often and wonder when. She would have been 55 this year. Wow! That amazes me so. It scares me even more to think that I was Jack's age when she became sick. I realize now as an adult how horrible that must have been for her. Knowing that she was leaving me at such a young age without anyone else. I wish I had been older and not so self-absorbed. (which I guess all kids between 10-12 are!) Maybe then I would have- well I am not sure what I would have done. BUT! My point here today was to say how lucky I am to have had the 12 years I had with her. My mother was a single mom who worked full time and not only bought her own home but took the time to take me and sign me up for whatever I wanted. When I remember my mom I think of her in her rose garden -she had I want to say 11 bushes. I see her mowing the lawn and me begging to help. I see her all dressed up for work. She was so beautiful. I see her kissing me goodnight and calling me stinkapoo. And I also see her sick and in the bed telling me that she would never be there for my wedding. And I see her fighting so very hard for her life. When I see my mom I see a hero. Someone who never gave up and never stopped being a mom no matter how sick she was. When I see my mom I no longer see the cancer, the needles and the illness. I see perfection and I pray that when she sees me she sees a slight glimpse of what I see in her.